It’s all about lists these days. “40 things to know at 40″. “9 things you should be eating daily.” “12 things you never knew about your rectum.” If I could write a top ten list why we can only digest news in list form, I’d have a lot more followers.
But whether you know me or my “list of things a dad learns”, you should know my motto and your one key to parental bliss in the shortest list possible:
1. One and done you can still have fun!
That’s the mission of my blog and the reason I was put on this earth to father multiple children.
Well, my mission would really be to discourage the harmful spread of all children, but I realize we need to repopulate the world. And since many of you feel it’s your purpose in life to grow your seed, I’ll settle for encouraging people to stop after one life created.
The only list I can think of for having more than one kid would be:
Help with the crops (no longer applies.)
Tax Breaks (doesn’t equal the rest of the breaks they come with)
3. An excuse to keep buying Cheetos (this one is valid)
Though I love and appreciate all three of my children infinitely, I realize it would be easier for want-to-be parents if they just had one single humongous responsibility. So in the hopes they come across my pearls of wisdom, I vow to keep blogging. Truth be told, the actual only mission of my blog is to make me rich and famous. But since I’m no Kardassian then my faux credible mission is to reduce the world’s population by screaming the truth about parenting. Or something like that until my sex tape gets out and I’m Kardassian famous.
This Huffington Post blog I found buried in an endless sea of lists, reitterates my blog’s mission. estelle-sobel-erasmus/tips-for-parents-suffering-from-the-only-child-syndrome. Here are some points I lifted off the Huff article that lifted off the book The Case for the Only Child, written by social psychologist Susan Newman.
-Mothers of one child are the happiest (older parents are happier too).
-Siblings are not essential for “normal” development and the stereotypes we’ve heard about the only child (bossy, pushy, selfish, lonely) are not correct.
-Adding more children to a family has no effect on fathers’ happiness, but a negative effect on mothers’ contentment.
I feel she should read some of my stuff before stating “no effect on father’s happiness”. Did I mention I love my children? I feel you judging.
-According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the single-child family is the fastest growing family unit and has been for more than two decades.
That means I’m making a difference! I suppose I can’t take full responsibility for the last two decades. Still I’m sure that every time I’ve taken my brood out in public over the last decade, I have dissuaded all the would-be parents who were unfortunate enough to be around us. You’re welcome, World.
I’d encourage you to read the post but then you’ll be bombarded with links to lists you must read or you’ll die.
To further hit home my one reason about having one child, let me give you one example. This is where I got the idea for my motto. Go to any restaurant. The only time you’ll see a family having a civilized meal, is if there’s one child.
Last night my weekly amnesia kicked in and I let the wife talk me into having family dinner in a restaurant. We arrived on this busy night at the exact same time as another family arrived. They had one boy about six, the same age as my youngest. As a party of three they were sat before our party of five. We sat next to them but I never heard a peep from them. Perhaps it was because I couldn’t hear them over my children’s loud arguing about who could play with Mom’s phone, or the whining about when the food would arrive, or shrieks when one sibling stole a fry off the other’s plate.
I kept having to peer at the other table to make sure they were still there. They were. The only child was watching a video on a non-disruptive screen quietly eating his vegetables. The Dad was drinking a micro-brew while he and Mom had a…. what’s that called? Oh, right, a “conversation”.
I rewarded my kids’ bad behavior with dessert, over-tipped for all the food they spilled, then went home to take as many aspirin as I had children. And vowed to never take them out again. At least, not until my weekly amnesia kicks in and they promise, promise, promise me that they’ll be pleasant.
Other than being seated next to us, the “one and done” family had a nice time. See, even one and done with a son you can still have fun. That rhyme got me searching and Dr. Seuss never had any biological children. That’s probably how we able to write so much. He said, “you have them, I’ll entertain them.” Guess where I got that tidbit.
http://www.history.com/news/9-things-you-may-not-know-about-dr-seuss There was also:
15 Things You Probably Didn’t Know About Dr. Seuss – TheFW
The Quick 10: 10 Grown Up Facts About Dr. Seuss | Mental Floss
5 Things You Didn’t Know: Dr. Seuss – AskMen